Wednesday, September 26, 2012

WHY DO YOU HATE MY BABY?!

I started writing this blog yesterday.  I always start with my bullet points, and then come back to the intro at the end, as it will usually be based on my mood the day I decided to actually hit "Publish."  Yesterday was a glorious day.  The day flew by with no real disasters, and then I had a great workout, went to the parents for a delicious dinner with the family (thanks mama T) and then watched my favorite show premiere with mama and saster.  Today hasn't been quite as awesome, due to some annoying "road blocks," but I'm going to the Rangers game tonight, so I can't complain because I. Love. The. Rangers. 

I will preface this blog by saying if you are offended at any point while reading this, know that my intentions are pure and I mean no harm or ill feelings.  Also know that you are probably being a little too sensitive, in which case you should steer clear of my blog and Google blogs about cooking or crafts.  Those things couldn't be offensive if they tried.

1. If you know anything at all about me, you know that pointless Facebook statuses bother me.  In general, Facebook bothers me.  I would delete my account if I knew with complete certainty that I wouldn't run back to it the first time someone said "Did you see on Facebook...?" and I didn't.  Most of all, I hate the people who post picture, after picture, after picture, after picture, of themselves.  I hate it even more since last week, when my dear sister-in-law informed me that a Facebook friend of hers made some snarky status about people who post picture, after picture, after picture, after picture of their baby/ies/children.  Now I can't hold this girl completely responsible, as she is apparently not a mother so she doesn't know the true joy of parenthood.  But who in their right mind, gets irritated by pictures of babies!?  I'm sure she was just trying to give my dear (can you tell I like her?) sister-in-law a hint that people don't like looking at pictures of adorable infants all day. Ah, yes.  You figured it out, woman.  People would much rather read about how you just got done with a GREAT workout and are now heading to have drinks on the patio with a friend <3 <3 <3. And can we please get a picture of you in your barely-there workout shorts, too?  It's like a breath of fresh air compared to the picture of my friend's kid's first day of school. (Oh and while we're at it...having drinks on the patio immediately after what you deem to be a worthwhile exercise session kind of defeats the purpose ya' idiot.)

2. I'm nervous about having a little mini-me running around for a number of reasons.  Most notably though, I am nervous about people grabbing at my tummy while I'm preggo, and even more notably, my baby, after he/she pops out of there. (That's my eloquent way of describing the miracle of birth. Nice, huh?)  I see it all the time.  In crowded rooms, it's like people (women most frequently) lose all sense of decency and personal space, and just grab at the baby like it's a sample at Costco.  I'm not worried about it because I'm some germophobe, but as someone who thinks personal space is something not to be taken lightly, I think just grabbing at someone's child, especially a newborn or infant, like it's a God-given right, is just ludicrous! I am fascinated by big boobs, considering the good Lord forgot to give me a pair of decent-sized real ones, but you don't see me goin' around grabbing people's chests just because it's something they have that I  want!  I ask before grabbing! (kidding.) Just as people should ask before grabbing at a mother's child (a human being, mind you).

I only have two bullets, because my day ended on a slightly sour note.  (I haven't got my gear on for tonight yet, though, so I'm sure it will turn right around once I'm decked out in beloved red and blue. Also...I'm not a mom.  So come back to me in a few years and I'll have a "WHY DO YOU HATE MY BABY?! Part II")

You stay classy, Cyberspace.

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