Sunday, October 2, 2011

CAUTION: Please avert your eyes.

My friend, Andrew I were were recently making a pit stop at a local gas station on the way home from work.  I had to pee soooo bad that I literally couldn't make it 5 more minutes, and instead subjected myself to the filth of a "convenience" store restroom.  Whilst taking care of business, apparently Andrew had a rather unpleasant encounter with a young man and his relative/friend.  The woman seemed to be having issues with her leg, and kept bending down to investigate.  Andrew looked her way one or two times, intrigued by what was causing her such trouble.  Apparently her relative/friend didn't appreciate Andrew's wandering eyes...he knows this because when Andrew glanced their way one last time, the young man rattled of a slew of obscenities, all related to "that **** who kept looking at you" (that's Andrew) and how he would "beat the **** out of him if he looked over here one more **** time." Andrew informed me of this once I emerged from the dark abyss that was the restroom, and we discussed the amount of unnecessary anger people display simply from a sideways glance or observation.  (Notice: I did not say glare, stare, or fixation.)

This post is meant to inform you all of the worst places to glance, or (heaven forbid) make eye contact with perfect strangers.  Such looks could lead to obscenities, outbursts, or worse...confrontation.  There are three locations and/or events where one should use caution when averting their eyes from the task at hand, and I hope you all take this to heart the next time you find yourself in one of these situations.

1. Gas Stations/Convenience Stores:  This one is kind of obvious, given the above situation.  Now, there is good news: the above-mentioned encounter is rare in form, and isn't likely to happen every time you step foot into your local convenience store to pick up a gallon of milk.  However, when it does happen (and trust us, it does happen) it is never pretty and will almost surely leave you feeling bewildered and vulnerable.  When perusing the aisles of your local store, remain fixated on the objects displayed.  I realize these objects are random in sort (for example, nearly every shelf houses multiple flavors of Vienna Sausages), but try to make the most of it so your eyes don't stray.  Read nutrition labels if you must, or venture over to see if the soda fountain offers Pepsi or Coca-Cola products.  Whatever you do....don't stare.  People enter into convenience stores in their most vulnearble states: donning pajamas, messy hair, glasses they only wear in the comfort of their home, house slippers, etc.  More than that, they are usually purchasing random objects they need right then: beer, condoms, medicine (often diarrhea or nausea), etc.  Staring or glancing for an extended period of time will cause people to fly off the handle....keep them on that handle, folks.

2. Sporting Events:  This one seems quite obvious, and doesn't require nearly as much guidelines.  A rule of thumb: if the person you're interested in getting a better look at is wearing your opposing teams' jersey or any sort of memorabilia....LOOK AWAY.  Most people at such events are on edge and wary of those possibly judging them, but even worse are fans of the opposing team.  For example: If you are so lucky to attend a Dallas Cowboys game, and they are coincidentally playing the Philadelphia Eagles (a division rival who historically has a following of borderline psychopaths), keep your eyes on the field at all times.  Do not look at the crazy, boisterous drunk man in the XXXL Eagles.  Don't even think about letting your eyes linger on the group of obnoxious middle aged women decked out in the disgusting turquoise/green spaghetti strap shirts with the oversized Phillies garb on.  People are extremely on edge and intense at such sporting events, and giving someone the wrong look could end fatally.

3. Driving:  This, of all situations, those listed and those not listed, is the most important.  Keeping your eyes on the road, with the occasional glance at fellow passengers, is imperative.  Think the mom in the SUV with three kids in the backseat screaming and crying is interesting?  Want to take a look at the couple fighting next to you at the stoplight?  Feel like glancing over at the middle aged businessman in the BMW?  Think again, my friends.  You think getting the finger is attrocious?  Just you wait.  Slowing someone down because you drive like a grandma/pa in the left lane will be the least of your worries if you look too long at someone on the road.  You could have blacked-out shades on and that neighbor driver you're looking out will still be able to tell that you're staring.  It's as if staring through someone's car window is equivalent to peering into their lives, and taking a peek into their innermost secrets and insecurities.  Rage builds up inside them, and think about it...what is the only weapon they have at their disposal??? It is literally right in their hands, unless they have their knee guiding the steering wheel while they reach into the glove box for their "licensed" handgun.  Take heed, o' blogger readers....keep your eyes on the road.  It is for your safety in more than one way.

This concludes the more serious blog post I have ever written.  While some of you may chuckle and take my suggestions lightly, others of you should take note: keep your eye on the prize come what may.  Doing so will keep you out of a world of trouble.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

No-weather Fans

I have 100 percent accepted the fact that mine and hubby's lives revolve around sports.  It doesn't bother me that ESPN is on our TVs almost constantly, nor do I mind that probably half of our conversations resolve on sports topics.  I also don't mind that many peoples' lives do not revolve around sports...we agree to "disagree."

One thing I do mind is people who ridicule others, like myself, and claim we are overly involved in sports teams and figures who care about nothing more than their monthly paycheck.  I can't tell you how many times I saw insulting and negative Facebook posts during the Rangers World Series run...and from Texans themselves!  Anything from: "Ugh, SO sick of hearing about the game!" to "I'm laughing at these Rangers they really think Josh Hamilton gives a ____(insert word of choice)____ about them?"  I have moved on from the delusion that the Rangers will ever notice me in my red cap and Rangers shirt and call me to the dugout to chat between innings, but I still can't comprehend how people can be so....."glass half empty."

Wanna know why I love sports? Because it gives me a sense of pride, confidence, and to be quite honest, an adrenaline rush.  My athletic abilities don't stretch past an occasional 5K race and frequent visits to the gym, but when I watch sports, I literally feel like I'm part of the game.  Plus, I am intrigued by the X's and O's and logistics of the game (the game being literally anything from college football to tennis matches).  Watching games/matches/scrimmages/duels/etc. unfold is one of the most enthralling adventures; no match up is the same; no team the same; no player the same.  Every aspect of sports is unique.  New records are broken every day. People perform in unthinkable, unimaginable ways every day, and we, as viewers/spectators, get to witness it.  How could you HATE it?! 

I realize not everyone has the same passion, but I can't understand legitimately frowning upon someone else's interest.  What's the point?  Is it simply that the people who argue that sports-lovers are ignorant and naive, and hate it only because they don't understand it?  Or do they genuinely not like to see people who have pride in something??

There shall be a Part B to this post....about people who take it a step further and not only hate people who love their own home team, but hate them so much to "bandwagon" onto another team. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

30 Things

I can't lie and say that I was inspired enough by my own inner thoughts to write this particular dear cousin (inspiration behind my blog in itself) recently posted 30 things about herself; and I shall now do the same.  Enjoy.

1. I have an obsession with clean faces/good skin.  I would be willing to bet that even if you added up all the nights when I was so exhausted I could barely stand with those nights when I maybe had a little too much fun and cleanliness wasn't the first thing on my mind, I still at least took eye makeup off and washed my face with hand soap. 
2. I hate makeup.  This is like a part B to number makes my face feel clogged up.  I would never wear it if I didn't look like a 12-year-old without it.
3. I have two pups with Brady; Hailey and Comet.  But my first and favorite (shhh) will always be my little Gigi.  She is living with grandma/grandpa now, but she holds a special place in my heart.
4.  I graduated from Oklahoma State University.  I didn't like it that much during my studies there, but now that I'm graduated, I feel so proud when I go back.
5.  Some people say I got married too young, but I found my soulmate and absolute best friend in the WORLD at a young age...and didn't see the point in not being married when I knew we would spend forever together.  Plus, he is a really good snuggler and it's fun playing house with him.
6. I love sandwiches.  I try to make each of my Subway sandwiches different every time I go.  The possibilities are endless!  (Which excites me)
7. I wear my heart on my sleeve.  Being in sales has forced me to grow out of that a little, but for the most part, I take things very personally and sometimes can't see the difference between joking and seriousness.
8. I used to be very one-sided about religion and God, but now I try to see and accept other people's beliefs.  Although I know where my heart lies, I think it's interesting learning where others' do.
9. I love my family.  I know that seems obvious, but from my adorable niece Shelby, to my amazing grandfather, to my cousin-in-law who inspired me to write this very blog, I love every single one of them in a completely separate and personal way.
10.  I miss music every day.  To me, it is my outlet; my release.  It makes me sad that it's such a small part of my life now.
11.  My hubby got me started working out right after I graduated high school, and I am soooo grateful.  It has inspired me to run a few 5Ks, one sprint triathlon, and several bike races...and I hope there are more of those to come.  There is nothing more rewarding than finishing a race.
12.  I had severe ingrown toenails on my left foot in middle school.  I had to have two minor procedures, and a surgery to fix it.  If you look very closely at my big toe on the left, you will notice.
13.  I have a lot of close, good friends, but no one compares to my sister.  I have three incredible sisters, but Betsy is only 16 months older than I so we grew up together.  She moved back  from California a few months ago, and it makes me feel complete.  I joke about it, but I seriously would collapse into a black hole of misery if she ever moved away again.
14.  I don't know what I want to do with my life.  I don't have one thing I'm passionate about and determined to do, and I'm OK with that.
15. Am I really only halfway through?
16.  I have really weird eyebrows; they are very light and appear to only grow halfway across my eyes.  I hate pictures of myself, because it looks like I shaved them off.
17.  One of my pet peeves is people who don't take care of their bodies.  I get annoyed at people who work out for a month, and then stop going altogether.  I know that's judgy, but I don't care.
18.  I miss my belly button ring.
19.  I have a deep fear of grasshoppers and crickets (mostly grasshoppers).  I'm not sure if this started after seeing the huge, creepy grasshoppers on Bug's Life, but I do know that they give me panic attacks.
20.  I freak out about spending money.  This can be backed up by looking in my closet and seeing the measly amount of clothes hanging in there.  I always worry about the future and not having enough money for my kids or unexpected emergencies.  I'm working on it, though.
21.  I love sports.  I wish I knew everything about everything, like hubby does.  Sports are like an intricate science to me.
22.  More importantly, I love the Texas Rangers.  Although football is a part of my life from August to (hopefully) December every year, I absolutely love baseball and the Rangers.  I would go to every single game if I could.
23.  I am naive sometimes.  I always ask Brady if we can give people rides when I see them walking on the street, and get scolded nearly every time.  I have a hard time believing that some people in this world are deceptive and evil at their core.  I think everyone has at least a morsel of good in them.
24.  I am always cold.  I will wear a sweater and sweatpants in August sometimes.
25.  If I could work anywhere in the world, it would be at Dunder Mifflin with Jim, Michael and Dwight.  (Not Pam, because I would be her.)
26.  If I won the lottery, I would donate HALF to different charities.  I'm not sure how I would pick which ones....maybe have each of my friends request one?  I haven't decided on the specifics yet, but I know I would do it.  Mark my words!
27.  I hate getting up early.  I may snap out of it pretty quick, but every single morning when I get up for work, I contemplate calling in sick.
28.  I wish I didn't curse.  At all.  I think it's so ugly for women to do; and yet I do it!
29.  I think my husband's greenish/hazel eyes are literally the prettiest things in the world.  They melt me.
30.  If I could make any wish come true, it would be that Hogwarts were real and I was enrolled to attend soon.

Well...maybe not the most insightful of blog entries, but at least you can say you learned something new today.  I'm not the most interested (wo)man in the world, but I'm trying to be a close second.  ;-)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

15 - 20 Percent....For WHAT?!

I have always felt a tad bit guilty when I get my hair done...and by done, I mean anything from touching up my roots, to full-on highlights, haircut and styling.  The reason?  Well, my hair is a bit like a rat's nest, I often say....a rather large, mangled rat's nest.  So I literally feel the exhaustion as my hairdressers near the end of their voyage through my massive amounts of tresses...their arms having been raised and moving for nearly an hour at the end of the dying part, not even having enough time to rest before it's back to the mounds for a cut and style.  It's an arm workout in itself!  Therefore, I have no problem giving each stylist a 15 - 20 percent tip.  It's my way of saying "Thank you, and sorry about the pain I have caused."  I think the extra few bucks is worth it; not only does it ensure that at my next appointment, the stylist will be especially attentive, knowing that 20% extra is on the line, but it also makes the guilt a little more subtle, now that I have shown my appreciation for her time and effort in the form of some extra green.

Now, there are not many services where it's common practice to leave a percentage tip: waiters, nail/hair services, taxi drivers, housekeepers, valet drivers...compared to the great number of professions out there, the percentage of those who accept tips is relatively small.

Sooooo.....who ever decided that these professions are worthy of a little something extra than their hourly rate/salary??  Some would argue that in these professions, the hourly rate is normally smaller; benefits may not be included; hours are less than appealing, etc., etc.  While this may be true (I know I personally wouldn't want to file blemishes off stinky feet all day, or run around like a bat out of hell at 2 a.m. every weekend to find some drunkard's vehicle) I don't know what justifies these people getting a little something extra.

Take for example the guys who pick up my trash/recycling.  Although our household trash pile usually doesn't consist of anything extraordinarily disgusting or inconvenient, sometimes on my morning commute, I find myself feeling horrible for the poor gal/guy who will come upon that particular pile of junk in a few hours.  Some mornings this sympathy stems from seeing disheveled, uncoordinated trash bags strewn carelessly around someone's mailbox, with random pieces of garbage spilling out from each container.  Other mornings, it's because someone decided to empty what appears to be an entire garage-full of old furniture, random boxes and other over-sized knick knacks.  I remember as a kid, my mom used to leave fresh baked goodies on the mailbox near the holidays with notes thanking the trash men/women for their services, and wishing them a happy holiday.  No doubt, nowadays if I left cookies on my mailbox for the servicemen and women of Waste Management, they would probably report me to the police for suspected poisoning.  Regardless of what efforts used to be made to thank these people who tirelessly pick up stinky, old, dirty trash every week, the fact remains that whatever they are getting paid for this service, it's probably not enough.  So why not tip them?  Why don't I leave a crisp $10 in the mailbox every week, thanking them for taking my garbage away? Or report to the city every month, and inform them how much extra I would like to give to the men and women of Waste Management?  Trash men/women is not even the worst of it....what about plumbers?  What about the firefighters who came to my house to put out a fire in the hottest part of the day during Texas summer, with no air conditioning in my cramped laundry room, wearing layers upon layers of heavy gear?  What about the people at the laundromat who get hubby's pants so fresh and so clean clean (and pressed) every week?  It's not like they're rolling in Benjamins....why don't they include a "Tip" line on the bottom of their receipts?  Are their services not appreciated enough, or unappealing enough, to warrant a few bucks extra for their time and effort?!

I won't even get into the fact that although dentists, doctors, lawyers and the like make a whole heck of a lot more than the guy who picks up my trash every week, they still have years of loans to pay off, and have devoted a good chunk of time and energy into becoming an expert at their profession (and let us not forget that doctors and dentists have to do some pretty disgusting things from time to time).  Why don't I slip my gynecologist a $20 bill after my exam so she can buy herself something nice in exchange for attributing to my good health?

You see my point?  Why do I tip a waitress for letting my drink sit empty for five minutes and not bringing me the extra jalapenos that I requested twice already, but I can't find the extra couple bucks in my pocket book for the electrician who trudged through the snow last winter to fix our power so that (Heaven forbid) we didn't go a day without electricity.

I realize that now I have to start tipping every person whose job seems slightly less than charming....maybe I shouldn't have taken the time to write this particular post.  I feel that nothing will be accomplished now except for the dwindling of my petty cash and the spare change my hubby and I keep in the "Baby Jar."

Monday, June 27, 2011

Recently brought to my attention...

I would like to think I don't take the "holier than thou" approach on things, but there are some instances when anger takes hold of me and I find myself muttering obscenities at the ol' Joe next to me.  Some examples of what stems my fury and frustration:

It seems as if the quality of driving has steadily decreased since I began operating a motor vehicle.  Note my earlier statement about how I do not like to take the "holier than thou" approach.  My observation of how crappy (for lack of a better word) people are driving these days is not because I believe myself to be the best of the best when it comes to following rules.  But let's take a look back at some of my recent run-ins (not literally) with fellow drivers...  The other day, I was making a routine stop at a routine stop sign, on my routine drive to work.  As I fully pressed on the brakes (I make COMPLETE stops at this particular sign), I happened to crane my neck to the left, just to make sure no one was barreling through the stop sign.  I hadn't seen anyone out of my peripheral, but something told me to "just make sure."  Thank goodness I did.  Just as I expected not to see anyone barreling through the stop sign, someone did just that.  Might I add I work at a school...where children attend.  I also witnessed, in that very same day, several last-minute lane changes, in which there was no regard for people who may (Heaven forbid) already be in that lane; some illegal use of turning and non-turning lanes; and several instances of unnecessary road rage for (again, Heaven forbid) going the speed limit.  I feel like every time I get behind the wheel, I am playing on one of those arcade games where wrecks are inevitable and drivers have no concern for those sharing the road.

Lunchtime is (sadly) the highlight of the working man/woman's day...not just in Corporate America.  Summertime working in a school district is monotonous, boring, and slow-moving; regardless of your position.  So in the final days at my current job, I have noticed that before my purse has hit the desk, my co-workers are already discussing lunch.  "Where are you going for lunch today?"  "Oh, I brought my lunch today.  I have leftovers from last night."  "I hate going to the same old place....let's go to Olive Garden."  "I am going to eat a salad for lunch today because goooosh I have gained weight."  It's funny to me that I can't even get through my Nutrigrain bar in the morning before the lady to left and the right of me are pestering me about lunch.  And it's not just the act of going; AND it's not just a simple question with a simple answer.  No, no, no, my friends; the question "What are your lunch plans today?" leads to a whole slew of conversation.  Trust me; I have tried all possible answers to try to get the smallest response.  I have tried saying "Oh, I brought a sandwich."  This answer leads to "Oh, Mrs. Bond, you always bring a sandwich.  What kind of sandwich?  Do you ever eat anything besides sandwiches?  I need to start eating sandwiches...I need to eat healthier...I need to bring my lunch...." etc., etc., etc.  Another answer I have tried on: "I'm not sure yet, probably just grab something."  Which leads into..."Oh yeah?  Where are you going to grab something?  KFC? Sonic? I have a coupon to Chick-Fil-A!  Oh, but I do love Dairy Queen because they have those tasty Blizzards."  Another answer I throw out there: "Probably just go to my dad's restaurant."  To which they often reply: "What does he serve again? (A question I have answered many a times) Does he have a website? Do they deliver?  You always go to your dad' you always get the salad there?  Are their burgers good?  How are their pancakes?  Could you pick me up something?"  NOTE:  all of my replies are dead-end answers.  There should be no additional questions required.  But, such is the life of a full-time employee probably anywhere...the highlight of one's day is lunchtime, and the conversation about said time begins before breakfast has even begun.  Sad and typical?  Yes.  And although I gripe about it, I must admit, lunchtime is a time in the middle of the workday for endless possibilities.

I realize in hinesight that I have spent far too much time rambling about my annoyances regarding lunchtime in the workplace and the fact that I think every person on the road should have their license revoked pending further driving instruction....but that's what blogs are for, isn't it? 

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Inspiration...mixed with a bit of jealousy

This isn't my first rodeo, folks.  I have had a blog before, and it went quite nicely.  I only had one avid follower (my best bud, the Lopez), but he was a good follower.  And I held onto the faint hope that some people crossed my page from time to time and at least got a chuckle or a good "chin scratch" at the end of each post.  However, wedding planning season ended (which proved to be inspiration, or rather, an easy way to escape the nightmares of missing bridesmaids and headless grooms) and therefore, my days of blog writing drizzled away.  Thankfully (to me at least) one of my most dear friends, who just happens to be my cousin, who just happens to write the wittiest, most incredible, and did I mention adorable posts about her and her little family, inspired me to take up blogging again.  Although it may be a bumpy ride, and although the posts may not be as consistent nor as entertaining, this blog will remain.  So to all you, probably millions out there, who have been anxiously checking for posts, give your fingernails a rest and sit back a little further in your chair....because I'm back.