I'm stressed lately. Scratch that...I'm always just a little bit stressed, but lately it's been magnified. I tend to worry more about the future than simply enjoy the present. I cringe every time I log on to my online banking account, regardless of the available balance. I hesitate calling on my friends, family, and dear husband for help or even words of encouragement, because I fear I'm irritating them; and even when I do get up the courage to call, I worry that the flood of support they give me in return will soon run out.
Add to all that, I recently decided to go back to school. And let me tell you one thing I have learned for sure (aside from the names and functions of all 206 bones in the body [227 if you count the fetal skeleton])....being in school as an adult is much less fun than being in school as a "full-time student."
My personal theme for the month of May was this:
"Stress won't help anything."
Well, here it is May 23rd and I have had enough of that silly theme. I'm ready to lay in the stress; to completely envelop myself in it by crying, whimpering, giving myself an unbearable headache by thinking of all our upcoming expenses, injecting my veins with caffeine to prolong the days (who came up with only 24 measly hours in a day, anyway?), and carrying an edge of irritability along wherever I go. I'm ready to swim in the stress, and let it bury me alive, because that is so much easier than believing that...
"Stress won't help anything."
And then my sister comes along and puts this song on her iPhone and pulls the lyrics up on the computer and tells me that even though I have heard this song many times before, that I need to listen to it and read along....
Have you ever had one of those moments where you're eating something you've eaten 1,000 times before, or driving down the same road you've driven down every day for two years, or looking at someone you've looked at nearly every day for your entire life, and all of the sudden, you REALLY appreciate it? You take that monotonous bite, just masticating away (gotta love science classes), and you realize how much you really love that hint of garlic? Or you see on the side of that same ole' road, a beautiful garden blossoming with bright roses? Or that person you look at every day, that person whose face you have memorized, you suddenly notice that when their eyes catch the sunlight, they have the most beautiful hint of amber/gold in them? (That's my husband's eyes by the way, so back off ladies, he is TAKEN.)
That happened to me today. And I'm sure the words of this song won't resonate nearly as much with you all as they did with me this morning, but I hope it hits home for somebody. But promise me this: if you DO want to scroll just a little further (you didn't think I'd ramble on about this song and not post the lyrics, did you?), please open a new tab up on your browser and listen to it as you read. If you have ever been in this state of mind I'm in right now, where you literally feel like you're drowning in it all, her voice will beckon you to keep your head above water. I love you, sister. Thank you for being my rock.
India Arie: There's Hope